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Back to November 2012 Motorsports News Archive
| 06-11-2012: Lane snakes… Drive Me Crazy! | |
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In short, the snake should have been the one who received the boot out of Eden all those years ago from the man upstairs.
On Australian roads in all states and territories from city to suburbs and coast to country, there is a growing plague of Kawasakic proportions of a new species of snake. This species is the one that slithers on two thin treads of rubber, the dreaded Lane Snake.
Many drivers have been caught unaware by these lane snakes while going about their day-to-day driving duties, then next minute their car is millimetres away from sporting an unwanted new metallic pin stripe along the side. Even worse the land snake offers to increase the aerodynamics of your vehicle by making unwanted advances to remove your wing mirrors.
This article will no doubt get a blast of the ‘share the road’ argument because lane snakes are road animals too… But seriously, do lane snakes have to creep up though stationary or slowly moving lanes of traffic? Surely they can wait about 30 seconds and still get to the city to find their usual places where they can avoid paying any parking fees?
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some two wheeled snakes that are great. For instance the lane snakes close cousin, the Australia-Postis is sensational at delivering all kind of bills. While another variant, the Bikie-Clubbis are fine upstanding gentlemen who will receive nothing but praise from this author… (Hello boys, please don’t hurt me).
The lane snake is usually attached to a ‘host’ who once entwined with the lane snake think they are a veritable Casey Stoner, when in reality they have the riding skills of a child on a merry-go-round. Yes, lane snake do go fast, but when driving between canyons of cars, the lane snakes host will always come off second best.
All this said, nothing compares to the un-motored lane snake, with their lycra clad hosts, riding with all the bravado of a drugged-addled Lance Armstrong. Not only performing lane snaking, they also subject the motoring public to lane hogging and lane slowing all the while ignoring the extensive network of dedicated lycra lane snake lanes constructed in their honour. Don’t get me started, the lycra lane snakes do indeed drive me crazy but that is a story for another day…
Back to the aforementioned lane snake, they seem to increase in population after every Moto GP and any movie where the hero is atop the latest model of lane snake. So what’s the solution? Should we ban movies featuring lane snakes, do we create lane snake only lanes or is a swiftly timed car door opening? None of these are recommended or wanted, but what is needed is common sense.
Common sense on the behalf of both those on top of the lane snakes and those they interact with on the roads. We are all equal, but it is when bad eggs in both groups try to exert themselves in importance over another that we get a Planet of the Apes situation happening and no one wants to be ruled by a land of angry lane snakes! Lane snakes… drive me crazy!!
Written by Steven Henderson |
The snake, just hearing the name of that animal can cause the hair to stand firmly up on the neck of some people. Slithering, sliding, weaving their way through life, snakes seemingly serve no purpose other than to cause fear and annoyance. Reading about snakes emitting their distinctive snakes-hiss noise and thinking about the sight of that flickering tongue is enough to have Ophidiophobics running for the (snake-free) hills. ^ Back to top ^
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